In the theme of Spring Break 2020, one member of my family is reverting back to her late high school and early college days.
She stole my primary use of transportation to head off to get the essentials at the local Wal-Mart. Usually after she takes one of the vehicles I normally drive, I would have something to say about how extremely difficult it is to get into the vehicle with the adjustments she has made to the seat. Imagine me running late for work and jumping into the vehicle only to find that my knees are stuck in the steering wheel. Now the horn won’t stop blowing and every neighborhood car alarm is blaring. The neighbor is out in his bath coat and has dialed the local sheriff’s department in an effort to catch the car jacker who has caused all this commotion. Heaven forbid we interrupt his viewing of “Good Morning America.’
This morning was no different except for the fact that I was not in any hurry due to the observation of Spring Break 2020 by educators across our district. In less of a rush than usual, I indeed noticed that the seat was set in short people mode.
What I wasn’t ready for was the volume and vivid beat coming from the speakers upon insertion of the key. I believe the volume goes to a numerical setting of 60 and she was on the verge of blowing the sub’s, burning up the amp and shattering the back glass. I don’t have an amp or sub in my vehicle but the vibrations turned the front seat into one of those massage chairs at the mall, if you get my point.
This is where she is having flashbacks from the late nineties and early two-thousands. The first song that came across the screen was DMX’s version of “Party Up,” I can only imagine what type of party was going on in that vehicle. With three children of various ages on a trip to the grocery store, the lyrics mention something about, “Yal gone make me lose my mind, up in here, yal gone make me go all out up in here. Yep she must’ve been hitting that middle aged white girl dance move as she was screaming those lyrics at these contrary young humans.
I thought maybe it was a fluke that the song came on our normally more conservative radio station, so I listened through to see what the next song would be. My mouth fell to the floor when the words came through the air waves something to the extent of a poom-poom and shake ya rump. Shake ya rump! My goodness, my daughter is learning a lot in relation to moving her backside in a rhythmic motion. So when our children do finally return to school and any type of activities involving dancing come up, just remember that my wife taught them all of her skills in that area.
I flipped around to various radio stations before returning for one last listen to see what type of music our children were being exposed to when I felt as if I needed to visit a confession booth for what my ears had heard. The musician was slick with his words but I did make out lyrics that resembled the phrase, “it’s getting hot in here, so hot.” Visualize the Wal-Mart store pick-up delivery associate (probably just out of high school) approaching a vehicle when he notices a mother of three hanging out the sun roof dancing to Nelly. I mean if it’s hot outside, wouldn’t you consider eliminating outside air and blasting the air conditioner instead of the radio.
Regardless of her shenanigans on the strip, the section of Highway 84 from Wicksburg to Dothan (a 15 minute commute), if you see an abnormally active driver or passenger with her hands out the roof and/or windows, don’t mind her. She is merely jamming out to the 90’s Pop Hits on Sirius Radio, trying to relieve any stress related to unruly children or a stubborn husband.